Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Me: Hi. Thanks for doing this.
Plastic Bottlecap: [No response.]
M: You’re a bottlecap from a bottle of Poland Spring, is that right?
PB: I… bottlecap?
M: That’s right, you’re a bottlecap. I removed you from a…
PB [interrupting]: Bottlecap. I am bottlecap.
M: Absolutely, yes. You’re a bottlecap, and [...]
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
5 fun things that might happen to you when you go to your office job despite having the flu and a fever:
1. Someone will come to you and say, “I gave you access to 27,” and you will have no idea what that means.
2. The <$10 store-brand thermometer you buy at the corner CVS will [...]
Sunday, February 24, 2008
8:20pm EST
Home with the flu. No Oscar party. Shall my awesome (fever-fueled) quips dissolve into thin air? Nay! Let the live-bloggin’ commence!
8:27pm
Regis said, “Xavier Bardem.” That is incorrect. He won’t have a small chunk of his skull blown away for it, though. That’s just the character from the movie. Javier Bardem doesn’t do that in [...]
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Have you seen Brad Neely’s animated stuff? You should check it out. It is brilliant and beautiful.
He currently posts things at superdeluxe.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I was recently asked by an enthusiastic young associate at my firm if I had any advice for a fellow just starting out in life. With the benefit of hindsight, was their anything I’d do differently? If I was somehow miraculously given a fresh life canvas, what masterpiece would I paint?
My answer surprised both of us: I [...]
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
As a renowned marketing guru and media futurist, there are certain questions that I get from clients over and over again. From time to time on this blog I’ll address one of those questions, for the benefit of all.
Q: Is the music industry doomed?
A: Yes.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Two monks were making the long journey from one temple to another. As they walked they came upon a rich woman standing still in the middle of the road. The rich woman had reached a particularly muddy patch, and was loathe to dirty the hem of her expensive silken garment.
The first monk put the rich woman on [...]
Friday, February 15, 2008
Step Up
Step Up 2 the Streets
Step Up to the Str3ets
Step Up 4 the Streets
Step Up to the Streets for Sur5al
Step Up to the Streets for Sur5al Too
Step Up to the Streets for Sur5al Tutu
Step Up to the Streets for Sur5al Tutu Jr.
Nein, Nicht Step Up to der Strassen
Step Up X*
*Working title. Filming never completed, due to [...]
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Dear Mystery Valentine,
Happy Valentine’s Day! I just wanted to let you know that I totally agree with your decision to wait until AFTER Valentine’s Day to reveal your secret love for me. I agree with you that Valentine’s Day is a totally artificial creation of the greeting card companies, and that we shouldn’t play their little [...]
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Looks like the writers’ strike will be over in time for the Oscars. Since there will be less time than usual to come up with jokes for the evening, I’ve decided to help out. Here are some starting points for hilarious gags, free of charge:
- George Clooney is very handsome!
- One of Cate [...]