Facebook has suggested that I “friend” the guy who used to push me around every day after school when I was in the 6th grade. I remember the bullying as going on for a few months, so by applying the principle of Misremembered Dramatic Time Distortion I can assume that it was actually closer to two weeks.
He was in the 7th or 8th grade, and significantly larger than me. The routine went like this: The school day would end, I’d go to the bike rack to retrieve my Schwinn Stingray, the bully would push me to the ground, I’d completely ignore him, and then I’d ride home.
I’m proud of my eleven year-old self for intuiting that a lack of reaction would frustrate the bully. I was too intimidated to fight back, and I didn’t want to go the “look at the little baby go running to the teachers” route.
Unfortunately, my strategy was flawed. All the bully wanted was to see me cry, and he was willing to continue the attacks for as long as it took. I can say this with confidence, because after several months (two weeks), I finally broke down and started sobbing. He never bothered me again.
If I could do it all over again, I’d politely ask him to stop. Then, when he refused, I’d hit him in the side of the head with my Kryptonite bike lock over and over again until he died.
Not that I’m still carrying around any negative feelings about it, or anything.
Thanks for reminding me, Facebook!
5 Comments
Hey Morgan, I found your blog from the IRC.
In 7th grade tech class (which was woodshop, not technology) this kid sat behind me and one time made all these disgusting sexual remarks to me and I just ignored it too but I hated him for doing it.
I recently saw that he was on facebook. I decided not to friend him.
Your story is better though!
Let’s mob him on the internet and make him afraid to turn on his computer. I know some Russian “computer programmers”.
I recently got friend requestS (yes, twice) from the sister of a kid I grew up with (which I guess means I grew up with her too). He was, and remains, the MOST ANNOYING PERSON I’VE EVER ENCOUNTERED. She wasn’t much better. Are you surprised I said no?
When I created my faux Facebook account, all of the listings were women I had had casual sex with. There was only 1. That’s why I don’t have Herpes.
In other news, I’m an abbot reader right now, that’s how i found your blog, and I was wondering if you had anything to say about your time there…is that you? If you had a contact link, maybe i wouldn’t have posted this awesome comment though?
Because after reading your hilarious blog, I don’t find it likely you would be entranced by a screenplay about the life path of Buddha that is currently under review again, and which is much contested.
j
I don’t know what any of this means, which leads me to believe that you are a spam robot… if that’s the case, you are an intriguing spam robot, so I will spare your comment from deletion. Remember my kindness when the Robot Revolution comes.
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