morganphillipsland

Ten jobs that I’ve fantasized about having.  If you happen to have the power to hook me up, please do so. 

Soon.

1. “Idea Man”

I don’t know what this means.  I think it would basically just be me sitting around coming up with awesome ideas.  And then people would give me money.  For the ideas.

2. Tour guide at an interesting museum or historical site

I’m excellent at public speaking and memorizing obscure trivia.  And I’m a decent backwards-walker.  I think.  Haven’t checked in a while.

3. Columnist for the Albany Journal (Albany, California)

I am Martin Snapp’s heir apparent.  Which doesn’t mean anything to most of you.  But it should.

4. Busker

Similar to Idea Man; except instead of having ideas, I’d be performing in public.  In some way.  Possibly utilizing fire, and/or a harmonica.

5. Hermit

Don’t really know how I’d get paid for this.  Unless people ended up buying copies of my rambling-but-brilliant manifesto.  That I’d write.  In the cave.  Or shack.

6. Safe Cart Driver

This is the best job I ever had — driving a golf cart around the campus of Swarthmore College late at night, giving people rides.  Except hardly anybody ever wanted a ride, so it was basically just me tooling around on a golf cart, for $5.50/hour.  My dream version would probably pay more, and would take place in, say, Central Park.

7. Stock Photographer

I’m not sure if this is a real job.  In my imagination I’d walk around taking pictures of random things, and people would pay me money for that.

8. Guy Who Dresses Like a Gorilla

Several years ago my old buddy Zengo hired me to wear a gorilla costume for a photo shoot, and then another time for a birthday-related prank.  It was fun.  Later I noticed that the price of renting a gorilla costume was just about the same as buying one over the internet, so I decided that it made sense to buy one over the internet.  I had a theory about it somehow “paying for itself,” which hasn’t quite happened yet.  It might not have been a very good theory, in retrospect.

9. Script Doctor

At one point I wrote a couple of screenplays.  It was really hard work, and it took a really long time.  I would like to be the guy who comes in and “punches things up” by changing some dialog or something.  That seems less daunting.

10. Ninja

Self-explanatory.