morganphillipsland

03. Tintin.

47. Fast judges.

44. Muscle shirt.

23. Wear nice socks.

40. Hooray, napkins.

08. Music is awesome.

34. Crooks and bastards.

36. Wince, pause, wince.

50. Hairy, hairy, hairy.

43. Mouse poop graveyard.

31. Hey, let’s all give up!

45. Oh, this is a Jesus song.

05. “Are you taking the piss?”

12. I’m hoarding cardboard boxes.

30. That’s a huge bag of medicine!

29. Trust your instincts, tourist.

26. See, wasn’t that almost pleasant?

09. Glue traps make me feel… funny?

20. Such a disappointing author photo.

35. Good job, self-described visionary.

42. The shelf of ill-advised purchases.

41. Please ignore me, I’m a wooden robot.

38. The ants went away of their own accord.

28. Need to stop playing with my moustache.

39. I didn’t get a chance to insult Australia.

48. I don’t think we’re joking — are we joking?

19. I guess I won’t be using those reservations.

22. If that’s what I agreed to before, then fine.

27. The way you use the word “naughty” is creepy.

15. Sprinkle in some exotic percussion sounds, yes?

49. What devilish secret do we share, Parker Posey?

02. Will earplugs at night make me a weaker person?

37. The smell of cold air and damp redwood, probably.

07. “Ban” deodorant now comes in a snot-green container.

17. Yes, I will take the money that you are offering me.

24. I don’t think it’s true that Jimmy Stewart was a racist.

46. You’re adorable, and you’re wearing an adorable sweater.

14. I’m pretty confident that I will never become an alcoholic.

33. That building looks really cool from New Jersey, apparently.

10. Now I have to write an “I didn’t mean to imply that” e-mail.

21. Notice the elevator door is closing and finish your sentence.

11. I entered a coincidental cone of silence on Central Park West.

18. That sound from the airshaft was probably not a child screaming.

25. Poorer neighborhoods’ stores are less likely to stock Coke Zero.

32. I forgot all about the 50 tiny spools of thread until last night.

13. The description was the exact opposite of me, except for one part.

04. I chose extra napping over picking up my laundry in a timely fashion.

16. A character in my lucid dream chastised me for dreaming boring things.

01. I bought the DVD of Waking Life for $7.99, which is a very good price.

6. I no longer have a strong desire to collect things, to have collections.